Thursday, April 8, 2010

What to wear when flying Ryanair? Depends...

Ryanair recently announced plans to remove most of the bathrooms on their shorter flights and replace them with additional seats, and then to charge passengers to use the remaining lavatory.  

What could possibly go wrong!?

Here's how I think this plan might have been rolled out to the Ryanair executive team:

Listen up everybody... OK, so as you know, we're all here to brainstorm ways we can make air travel MORE profitable and LESS pleasant for our, uh... guests.
OK, settle down... Tammy here has come up with a peach: First, we remove two out of three lavs on every plane (nods of approval) and then add six seats in their place (murmurs of assent). With 10% more seats and 66% fewer lavs, demand will skyrocket (applause). Now, here's the genius part...
We install coin-operated locks on the lav doors, and charge a quid per use. Everybody flies with a pocket-full of coins, right? Noooo? Well, then, we'll offer to make change, for a fee of course. And just imagine all those toads hopping around with their knees crossed, waiting to make change so they can get in line for the toilet!
And if some poor bastard doesn't make it, and shits himself, well, that's just a compelling object lesson to the rest of the bastards that they'd better bring their own coins and get to the front of the line.
Tammy, I love it. How'd you like to be our new VP of Customer Service?
Update 17 November 2010: Ryanair is in the news again...
More than 100 angry Ryanair passengers sat in a dark cabin without food or water for four hours Wednesday, refusing to leave their plane after it was diverted to Belgium, authorities and passengers said." [Read]